* Academic Assistant at Strayer University in Newark, DE.
* Part-time librarian at Cecil College.
* Canceled the interview with Mr. Fox at the bookstore. Didn’t want to waste his time, since I have not the means to move to Philly and start a whole new life. New lives require money.
* Part-time office technician at Delaware Tech. Community College in Stanton.
Over the past few days, I’ve met a lot of new people and have consequently been asked several times about my education and my plans for the future. Unfortunately, my education has nothing to do with how my life is going right now and my plans for the future consist of a lot of wishful thinking. Every question concerning my college experience and how it will apply to my life when I finally grow up brings on a new wave of anxiety. Did I make the right decision when I chose my college? Will my four years at St. John’s ever be anything more to me than a lesson in human interaction? All those books I read, what do they have to do with me?
This isn’t a new struggle, but a daily debate that I’ve had with myself since I began college in January 2006. I always knew that I wanted to go to St. John’s because that’s the school where the kids only read books and talk about them all day. No tests, no grades, no lectures. All discussion-based classes taught not by professors but by the authors of the books themselves – meaning us kids read the works of the great authors of Western culture and then went to class and tried to figure out what it all meant. This was right up my alley.
When I started school I thought I would come out the other side an accomplished writer, ready to tackle the big news stories, travel around the world and tell people how it really is. Unfortunately, the longer I was in college, the more I hated everything that I wrote. My style has not changed one bit since high school, and every word that I write is like pulling teeth. After I decided against a job in journalism, I floated about aimlessly for a while and had frequent anxiety attacks from thinking about the future and how unsure I was of everything.
Without even noticing it, I became intensely interested in hats (working in a hat store may have had something to do with it). I started really caring about my part-time job, to the point that I would skip classes to take more shifts if I was needed, I quit my internship at the local newspaper in order to work more at the store over the summer after my junior year, and my boyfriend and I talked shop all the time when we hung out. I started a blog about hats, drew designs for hats during class, and would often ask my manager to schedule me an extra day to clean the entire store. I trained new employees, took on new responsibilities without being asked, helped my boyfriend pick out hats for the new season, and I was my manager’s right-hand-man.
By the time I was almost ready to graduate, I cared much more about hats than I did about reading Freud or Melville or Einstein. I had a mentor in the millinery world and she was going to help me make my first hat. I was going to get a full time job in Annapolis and save up money to take millinery classes in Chicago and Nashville. I was going to meet milliners from all over the country and eventually one of them would let me apprentice with them. I would be be a successful hat-maker and live happily ever after.
Only none of those things happened. I live at home with my parents, I have a little part time job at a local retail store and I will soon be substitute teaching to make more money. I spend most of my time in the library looking for better jobs in my area and feeling sorry for myself. What happened to me?
My plans were derailed by the incident at the hat store, but I’m still going to get back on track. I’m going to stick with this little retail job and I’m going to substitute teach whenever I can. I’m going to save every little bit of money so that when a room opens up in my friend’s apartment in December, I’ll be able to afford to move back to Annapolis. I’ll start applying for jobs in Annapolis as soon as November arrives and I will find something that pays enough to live on. I’ll be back where I love to live and I’ll start saving even more money so that I take millinery classes. I’ll get in touch with my hat-making mentor and get that hat made. I’ll visit my school friends and go out for drinks and be sociable. I’ll be happy and hard-working and goal-oriented. That’s the plan.
* Administrative Assistant in Laurel, MD (I didn’t put any effort into this one).
* Called Mr. Fox at the bookstore in Philadelphia, spoke to him for about 20 minutes, scheduled an appointment to meet on Saturday. Exciting!
After all my boo-hooing about not having a job, not making any money, not having any schedule to regulate my days, I finally got that part-time job near home that I decided to get last week. Remember when I said that I had a job interview? How I said that it wouldn’t be worth it because the pay was lousy and they weren’t offering enough hours? Well, I took the job anyway, because, let’s face it, something is always better than nothing.
I’m ashamed to admit that I’m still disappointed that I haven’t gotten calls back from any of the jobs that I was more excited about. The local library, the secretarial positions – I haven’t heard from any of them. When my phone rang this afternoon and I saw a number that I didn’t recognize come up on the screen, I felt a little thrill of possibility before I answered. This could be a big step! I thought to myself. I composed myself and prepared to be charming. Alas, it was only the little retail store in Elkton, MD, asking if I would like to join their team for 12 hours a week at $7.75 an hour. I looked and my mother and she shrugged, as if to say It’s a job, isn’t it? So I said yes, asked when I start, and got the details about my first day.
I’m glad that I’ll be getting out of the house regularly for something other than job searching, and I’m really glad that I’ll be making a little bit of money to put into savings for when I get that real job that I know is out there somewhere. And there’s always the chance that I’ll get a call from one of the more exciting jobs, right? My pride is smarting at the idea of taking a measly part-time job selling bubbles to old ladies and little girls for a pittance, especially when I have a college degree and spent the last four years studying philosophy, but I will just have to collect my paycheck with a smile and console myself with the knowledge that this is just a temporary thing.
* Admissions Counselor at St. John’s College, Santa Fe
* I wanted to register for Substitute Teaching classes, but the list filled up in one hour, so now I’ll have to wait until August 28 to try to register again.
* I heard back from the bookstore job that I applied to last week; the owner wanted to know more about me and my reading habits. I have since emailed him back with more info and a similar request for more info on the store.
* Administrative Assistant/Clerk at a food lab near Baltimore
* Admin/Clerk/Legal Secretary in Washington D.C. (They wanted someone who could wear many hats. Who better than a girl who worked in a hat store for three years?)
I am reluctant to allow myself to get excited about a job opportunity for which I apply. After more than two months of disappointment I don’t think I can handle much more. Despite all that, I have to admit that I gave myself a little smile today when I applied for an Admissions Counselor position at my alma mater. A friend of mine has the same job and the encouragement that I got from her and from the rest of the Admissions staff was so great that I took a chance and sent in my application even though they’ve already begun interviews for the position. Technically, the job is in Santa Fe, New Mexico, the sister campus of my college. Everything that goes on there is exactly the same as what goes on at the Annapolis campus, but it’s in the mountains and far away.
The same position was available in Annapolis a few months ago, right before I graduated, but I decided not to apply. Looking back now, I know that I was crazy to let the opportunity go, but at the time I was looking at the tail-end of four long, crazy years and this school and I said to myself You know what? I think I just might want to get some distance between me and this place. How stupid I am. I was also hyped about my job at the time. The Job I Almost Had.
I worked in a retail store selling hats and was in the process of making myself seem important in front of the president of the company in hopes of being given a managing position at one of his stores. I enjoyed selling hats and wanted to stay with the company – I worked there for more than three years and thought that staying with them would give me a leg up when it came time for me to start making my own hats and selling them. Only I went a screwed everything up by writing about the company on Livejournal (an entry that I assumed only my friends could see) and all hell broke lose. In my own defense, the single sentence that I wrote about the company was not bad at all. To prove it, I’ll write it here, leaving out the name of said company:
I don’t think that NAME OF COMPANY can give me what I need as immediately as I need it, especially since MY ROOMMATE’S NAME is increasing my rent, but what am I going to do if I don’t take the manager position?
That’s not so bad, right? The bad part is that the president of the company had Google alerts, so when the Google machine picked up the name of the company in my journal, the head guy of the company got to read the whole post in which I listed my three most tangible options if I chose not to stay in the hat-selling business. Let me take a break here to say that this is a small company: four small retail stores and a website and warehouse; about four employees to a store; company picnics once a year; everyone on a first name basis. When I was informed of Mr. President’s unfortunate discovery, I immediately assumed that he would want to speak to me about the anxiety that I was feeling and the doubts that I had about the job. I waited for him to get back to me for more than a week. Why didn’t I get in touch with him first? Because I was silly enough to think that since he had made the decision to read my LJ entry, my personal thoughts and feelings, it would therefore be his responsibility to inform me personally of the situation. After all, the only reason I knew what had happened was because Mr. President went to my then-boyfriend (who also worked for the company) and told him what he had read.
Let’s recap for clarity’s sake:
Only no such call came. Instead, about a week after the incident, I found myself called to the back office by my manager, where she proceeded to berate me for fifteen minutes about how stupid I was to write such a thing on the internet, how disrespectful I was to consider leaving the company after all that they’ve done for me, how I’m not the first person to graduate from college and feel confused; how I betrayed her and everyone else who trusted me. This is when I knew for sure that I had to be the one to confront Mr. President and Mrs. Manager about the whole situation, since it was apparent that my personal thoughts were being shared around the company and just about everyone who read it misconstrued what I wrote. I requested a meeting with Mr. President and Mrs. Manager to let them know several things:
So that’s how I almost had a job but then had to give it up because of one Live Journal entry. Let this be a lesson to all! If you must write about your job on the internet, at least be wise enough not to mention the company by name. I’m lucky in this respect because I don’t have a job, so I can write about any old thing I want.
Acting on my difficult decision to look for local part-time work while seeking a real job somewhere out there in the real world, I went to a job interview yesterday at a retail store. I’m not going to lie, with my experience with retail and considering how cute I looked, I really thought I had it in the bag. Turns out the interview was a group interview, the part-time job was only four to ten hours per week, the pay was really lousy, and I won’t hear back from the manager of the store for another two weeks. What a bust.
I certainly wasn’t dying for that job – I’m dying for ANY job – and to hear that I’ll have to wait for two weeks to see if I got the crappy job is not what I want, so I’m giving that one up and continuing my search for both part-time and full-time jobs. Since I’ve stopped applying to jobs via Craigslist I’ve been getting even fewer emails than normal as I no longer get replies from scam artists trying to rip off my information, but the lack of emails is making me lonely, which in turn is making me really sad.
One part-time job that I really want as a Circulation Clerk at the public library has me waiting on tenterhooks for a call-back. I have to remind myself that I’ve applied for this position before, two years ago, when I was looking for summer work between school years. I didn’t get a call back then, either. The only difference now is that I have three years experience working in a college library and a college degree, all of which should make me look super smart and valuable. Another reason I’m freaking out about this particular job is because I applied online, which I immediately regretted when I realized that I wasn’t able to attach a cover letter (bane of my existence).
What is it about applying online that gives me a hopeless feeling? I suppose something makes me think that online applications are not given as much regard as applications that are filled out in person or sent, along with resume, cover letter, and three letters of recommendation, in the mail in a nice manila envelope. Maybe it’s just that I would rather receive something tangible if I were an employer – the fact that someone takes the time to print out all the information makes them look more professional and hard working. So why don’t I follow my gut?
I may not apply in person, but I follow up like crazy. There may be a possibility that I drive potential employers nuts with my call-backs and emails, but I can’t help it if I really want a job. I know that it’s important to get my name out there on the off-chance that they’ll remember me, but so far it hasn’t worked. I’ll just have to keep trying.
In the spirit of not-succumbing-to-my-jobless-depression, I’ve decided that I will broaden my job search criteria. I might be surprised by what I find, right?
* Financial Aid Office Assistant, Cecil Community College
* Bookseller, Bookstore in Philly
* Administrative Assistant, Embroidery Company near Annapolis
* Entry-level position with area entertainment magazine, What’s Up? publishers.
Since I went to a fancy-shmancy liberal arts college and spent all my time reading the works of philosophers and scientists and poets and mathematicians, I never got around to learning how to write a really good cover letter. I can do the résumé and the interview, sure, but isn’t the cover letter supposed to go between those two? Now that I have that fancy-shmancy diploma and no cover letter-writing skills, I get the feeling that I am screwed. Isn’t the cover letter really important? Isn’t it supposed to make you stand out from the other applicants? Isn’t it supposed to show your personality in a way that a résumé cannot? Frankly, I’d rather they just look at my résumé and try to glean from the myriad of dates and responsibilities exactly what kind of person I am because I’m no good at tooting my own horn in a cover letter.
Is that what you’re even supposed to do? Do you go babbling away about what a great person you are? Do you say that you already know how to do the job better than whoever did it last? Do you say what you’ve done at previous jobs? Do you talk about what you hope to do for your new employer? Do you tell them what you want to be when you grow up? None of that stuff seems exactly right or exactly wrong. Here’s my cover letter so far:
To Whom it May Concern:
I realize that my previous job experiences have nothing whatsoever in common with the job for which I am now applying, but don’t count me out just yet! If it’s people skills you’re looking for, I’ve got ‘em. If it’s patience and stick-to-itiveness, I’ve got that, too. I don’t give up on tasks until they’re done right, I’m pretty nice to just about everyone, and I always go above and beyond, no matter what I’m doing. I may not have the exact skill-set that you’re looking for, the kind of experience that you desire, or the education to back those things up, but I can guarantee that I’ll learn quickly, apply myself 110%, and do the job that you need done in the amount of time that you need it done. I can make you this promise because I have never had a job that I didn’t take pride in, and my pride keeps me from doing anything sloppily or half-way. I look forward to hearing from you and would be happy to meet with you for an interview at your convenience.
Sincerely,
Ashley
Something tells me that that’s not the way it’s done. For now I’ll go on bumbling around on the internet, looking for sample cover letters written by fake people like Sally Jane and Robert Smith. I’ll steal sentence structures and inject my own information into cover letter formulas. Won’t someone just hire me and put me out of my misery?
